...No TV. Deprived of Visual entertainment Frank turned to food for comfort and diversity. Popcorn, hot dogs, chocolate dipped ice cream bars; repeat.
...Another problem presented itself to Frank the very night of his return from Arts house, he was no longer able to sleep. Every time the Z's were coaxed into finally making an appearance, Frank would wake with a violent start - dizzying colors and horrible impressions filled his brain.
..."No Art - help!" he would cry, sitting up and peering around as if he expected that unmerciful friend to pop out at him.
...This went on for a week. By the end of it Frank was reduced to a mere shell of his former vitality, in short, life was unbearable. Other co-workers, besides the crazy one who shared his office, were beginning to notice Frank's sagging eyes and weary steps. Fished from among the overwhelming flood of well meaning advice they gave, Frank made out three suggestions. One, you should get a thorough massage. This from the nerdy looking Mac. Two, you should watch more TV, it will help you relax; Miss Barb's advice; if only she knew the half of it.Three, go downtown and check out the new sleep apnea clinic! This last pearl was from Franks boss. Frank decided to honor his boss's opinion first, for obvious reasons, and scheduled an appointment the next day.
...Lest any reader be skeptical of the following experience Frank has, in this episode and the next - let me assure you it is all based on true facts. I personally know and have spoken with a person who went through this very experience. Even in our own day and age medical concern has begun to border on the absurd. If there is any polishing it is in the telling, not in the solid basis of truth.
...The next morning found Frank preparing for his appointment. He slicked down his hair, fluffing it out in the back. Afterword's he tried to put on his favorite pair of pants. The orange pair with purple stitching. They fell off considerably. This in itself wasn't a problem, pants were supposed to fall off the rear and hang comfortably around the hips - thus exposing ones sporty drawers. The problem was that they didn't stay on the hips. Frank measured himself and panicked.
..."I've lost two inches, holy beejeebers!" He moaned.
...With a little extra effort Frank waddled to his car, trying not to look at the empty wall where all his TV's once had been.
...The appointment went well until the end. Then the doctor steepled his hands and peered at Frank over his fingers.
..."Well young man, we'll see you tonight." he intoned nasally.
..."I don't understand, I must have missed something." Frank answered in surprise.
..."Obviously. Let me repeat; We will observe you tonight as you sleep and determine whether or not you have sleep apnea. Don't bring anything and make sure you eat before you come."
...Frank walked away miserable. He had expected a more, professional way of doing things. And the thought of sleeping in a strange place was horrible - how would he be able to go to sleep? This last thought was even worse, what if he bungled the whole thing and couldn't go to sleep? Everyone would laugh and he would never be able to go to work again. Let alone finding out what was wrong with him.
...He decided to give his cousin Lynn a call. Maybe she would have some advice for him. Accordingly he punched in her phone number. A few seconds later her voice come on the line.
..."Hi, this is your cousin Frank, do you have a minute?" Frank asked nervously.
..."You can have five minutes and then you're off the line - okay buddy?" she said.
..."Okay, I'll make it quick" Frank explained his dilemma to her, wondering the whole while who she was expecting a call from.
..."Well Frank, if I were you I would relax. Social medicine procedure is the norm these days. You will need to know a couple things though, so pay attention!"
...Frank unconsciously straightened and grabbed a pen.
..."Number One; bring your own pillow!" Lynn barked.
..."Why?" Frank wondered innocently.
..."Use some common sense Frank. You never know if the hospital has lice" she explained.
..."Number Two; pack your own toothbrush, or, better yet, brush your teeth before leaving. Communism is great in many respects, but community toothbrushes are just gross - take it from me!"
...Frank shivered as he imagined himself using a community toothbrush. He would brush his teeth at home.
..."Number Three; don't trust the hospital observers to get you up in time for work, take your own alarm clock." Lynn's voice become serious, she lowered it to a mere whisper. Frank strained to catch her next words.
..."There is no number four Frank, just listen carefully. The sleep apnea clinic is sure to have all kinds of people sleeping there under the staff's observance. There's no saying what kind of people they might be - imagine - what kind of people would have problems sleeping at night?"
...Frank thought really hard, hard enough to bring little goosebumps to the surface of his skin.
..."Guilty consciences, ex convicts, psychos; the list goes on and on cousin!" Lynn was shrieking in a subdued whisper.
..."What should I do?" Frank pleaded. Nightmare horrors beginning with the word "lice" and ending with the thought "psycho" had invaded the already shaky state of his mind. Things had been so peaceful before Art came along!
..."Try to go to sleep, that will be the hard part. If you can't go to sleep they may want to repeat the experiment - I mean, experience. And that means you'll have to do it all over again" Lynn said. "Oh, your five minutes is up cuz. I've got to go." She hung up.
...Frank stood contemplating the phone he held in his hand, Something so simple, a device created to bring the voices of loved ones, friends, and family, closer; why could one lose their mind contemplating it and the evils it could bring?
