Arts Syllogism

...Art, quick of the finger and quick of the eye, had forced Frank back into his seat before Frank had time to think. Now his nimble fingers were busy lifting and strapping a strange helmet to Franks bewildered head.

...Frank finally found his voice and cried "Art, what are you doing to me?" His little goatee wobbled wretchedly and the sight of his desperate eyes peering out from beneath the strange contraption would have made a saint laugh. His friend had assumed a cheerful physicians manner and now answered him by saying,

..."O come now Frank, its not that bad I assure you! After all, I wore it a week to cure myself last year. Since then I've made some improvements, which I am dying to test, and it shouldn't take you more than an hour to be cured. There is a small recovery time, about a month to be exact, but what's that in the scope of a lifetime?"

...Hearing only a small gurgling noise, coming from Frank beneath the large antique army helmet, Art continued to chat. "Look here my good fellow, I will explain to you how the thing works. That always interests the patient right?"

..."O heavens!" Frank squeaked flailing about - "I want to go home!"

..."And so you shall Frank, soon enough. When you go home you will be a new man, free of the cruel tyrant which has held you in bandage all your life! Of course the side effect is that you will not be allowed to watch TV for a year - who knows what that might do to you? - but then, I doubt you'll want to anyways when we're done." Art was so cheerful as he said this that no one could have thought that his intentions were anything but pure. An angelic sweetness had come over his face as he stared off into the unknown world of no television where Frank was afraid he soon would follow.

..."Here's how the thing works. Have you ever heard of a syllogism Frank? No? I thought not. Anyways, I made one up last year after realizing what an addiction TV was. Listen, I think you'll find it rather revealing, it goes something like this. (And understand that if A=B, and B=C, than A must = C too)

... If I am addicted to Television, (or any electronic device for that matter)
Then life is not worth living.(because being addicted is no life at all)

If Life is not worth living, (as in, whats the point?)
Then I might as well be dead.

Therefore, If I am addicted to television,
Then I might as well be dead.

.."Are you following this Frank?" Art asked, pausing to pick up a small remote device. "Your squeals seem to give the impression that you do not understand what I am saying, perhaps if you will let me finish explaining then you will be more cooperative." Frank did not stop squealing.

..."So after creating the aforesaid syllogism I realized that I could not go on living in my addicted plight. The idea was insufferable! The thought also struck me that if I could bring myself so close to death that my subconscious must reconsider its values, then perhaps I could break the addiction. But even I did not want to die, especially without someone to pass on my families secret mission to. So I created this helmet which would deliver such a jolt to the sub cranium as to make it 'believe' it might be dying - all the symptoms are there I assure you. Your life will flash before your eyes. However, you will not die. It is merely a temporary dislocation of the left and right side of your brain. I say - are you listening Frank?"

...Frank had undergone an extraordinary change of appearance. His eyes had grown large with the word 'death' and he felt his life was already passing before his eyes.

...What do you want Art? I'll give you anything you want if you will let me go. Do you want my new 8X8 hydrogen powered truck? Its even got a new orange paint job! Please Art, anything!" Franks voice became a moan, rather pathetic but also ridicules.

..."this is priceless Frank old buddy! You speak as though I were holding you for ransom or something. Why, you are my friend and I am doing this to help you! Trust me Frank, this will all end well." Without further ado Art reached for the 'on' button; then suddenly he paused.

...Frank felt a glimmer of hope fire up - only to fade away as Art looked around. "Have you seen my hat?" he asked. Frank shook his head, "No".

..."Ah, here it is" Art said discovering it on the couch behind him. He clapped it on his head and a determined grin grew on his face. "In a moment you shall be a free man Frank, hold on to you seat!"

...And he pushed the button....